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If you want your hair to be soft, the best products would be conditioners. Since you want your hair to be curly as well, you will probably need to find a balance between the curls and softness. Most conditioners, and in fact any product that makes your hair soft will cause the curls to open up a bit. Products that keep your hair curly will usually do so by making it a bit stiff, so that the curls are not stretched open by the weight of the hair itself.
You will probably need to try several conditioners in order to find the right one, and besides the type of conditioner that is used when washing your hair, you may want to try a leave in conditioner as well. This is typically applied after you have washed and dried your hair, or while it is still drying. You should probably use a conditioner that is meant for normal hair (unless your hair is dry), and not one for curly hair, as the latter are sometimes meant to make hair less curly. Whatever the case may be, you will quite certainly have to go through a lot of trial and error before you find the right conditioner that keeps your hair soft but does not lose the curls.
Gels, hair mousse, and hair spray are the wrong products to use if you want your hair to be soft. Gel and hair spray in particular form a stiff, crisp coating over clumps of hair, and since you have such long hair, this will be particularly unpleasant to handle.
Apart from these products, you can try using a styling lotion or cream if you do not get the look you are looking for from conditioners. Lotions and creams usually help the curls to be more defined, without giving the hair the crisp coat of a gel or hair spray. These products are often a bit greasy and may make your hair marginally less soft, but as mentioned before, you will need to find a balance and compromise. Hair oil is another option - this too will help your curls to stay more defined without coating your hair. However oil too will tend to make your hair a bit clumpy and stiff. It also tends to be a little difficult to handle, and depending upon which oil you use, may leave your hair a bit smelly.
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